I have a committee meeting tomorrow... my first since passing my prelims in December 2008. I'm going to have to explain my lack of progress over the past year (actually, a little over a year), and ask them for another chance. My advisor has told me that people inside the department have suggested that I should be 'let go' with a masters degree, and not given the chance to continue working on my PhD...
So I'm pretty sure I'm going to tell them about the depression and the ADHD. I'm just not sure how to do it, and I'm nervous as hell.
Best-case scenario, they all (4 of them) understand that depression and ADHD are the result of chemical imbalances in my brain that do not affect my intelligence and are not the result of personal short-comings, and that I can learn to manage my ADHD and finish my dissertation.
Worst-case scenario (or one of them anyway), is that they see the whole thing as an excuse and don't think ADHD is "real."
That's all for now... I just needed to get that off my chest and out into the world. For now, I should get back to work; there's so much to do before tomorrow, and I have to teach today, and have a meeting with my advisor at 3:00. Lots to do before then!
Liz,
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of you as you walk through this. Don't let shame and fear get the best of you. (<--I say that as much to myself as to you.)
You can do this!
I recently started a Dissertation Writing Group through meetup.com. If you think having other people to write with at set times could be helpful to you, you might consider organizing your own group. :)
Do update your blog after your meeting tomorrow to let everyone know how it goes.
Glad you posted a link to your blog on ADDer World!
Thanks Jacque! The writing group is a great idea! I will (hopefully) be writing one of my chapters soon... I just have to finish up my 'closest to completion' project first... Thanks for the suggestion, and for your support - I will make sure to post the outcome :)
ReplyDeleteI hope your committee meeting goes well. I know how horrible they can be. At my last meeting I was hoping I could ask them to allow me to start writing my thesis and instead of that they basically told me to redo 6 months worth of experiments. It was terrible!
ReplyDeleteI know all of our experiences are very different but in my experience my committee (both thesis and comprehensive exam) members were very supportive. I actually met with each of them personally and individually (before my first meeting) and talked to them about my issues (reading and learning disorders) and told them that they should expect long pauses before I answer questions and that I may need to take notes while answering their questions so I can organize my thoughts.
I really do believe that PhD's in academia are a little more supportive than the average college professor. Just be as honest as you can with them! They'll understand!
If for some reason they have a negative reaction to your statements just use their words as fuel for your fire! If they put you on a probational period- YOU PROVE THEM WRONG! You are good enough to be at grad school (they wouldn't have accepted you if you weren't)!
Always follow your dreams! Don't let anyone take them away from you!
Good luck!
Collin
Collin, thanks so much for your words of support!
ReplyDeleteI read your post right before leaving for my committee meeting today and went into it feeling much better knowing that you (and Jacque, from a previous comment) had a good experience with coming out with your challenges to your committee :)
I will post the outcome shortly, but I will say here that it went much better than I anticipated!
Thanks again!
Collin, I totally forgot to comment about your experience with having to redo so much work... I'm still so hyper (for lack of a better word) after making it through my committee meeting, and I just got home... I'm sorry you had to redo so much work, especially experimental work! As if our challenges didn't already slow us down enough, then to have to basically lose 6 months of accomplishments and start over... ouch! But I hope it all turned out well for you - it sounds like you made it through your degree program - congratulations! That is quite an accomplishment!
ReplyDeleteOh how I wish I could edit my own comments after submitting! I'm having a total ADHD moment! So, here's the third comment in a row of what should have been all in one comment!
ReplyDeleteI just now made the connection that Collin (hi Collin!) is the author of LD PhD, a great blog/site that I just discovered yesterday, that is, in his own words, "A site dedicated to inspiring people with learning disabilities and ADHD to succeed."
So, for those of you who haven't checked out his site yet, you really should take some time to check it out - it's full of great posts with fantastic insight and packed full of information and inspiration!
http://ldphd.org/
Okay, I think I finally got it all out... now, back to writing the post about my committee meeting today :)